Gender & Family Life

(May 20-24)
We started off this week with a very interesting subject--that of gender roles and differences. Research shows that men and women have different qualities and typical behaviors. Men are aggressive. Women are nurturing. Men look at things analytically. Women look at things socially, or in relation to each other. Surprise, surprise...men and women are different.
What? We're different? That can't be right. Shouldn't we be equal?
Yes. And we are. Equality does not equate to exactly the same. If it did, life would be so boring! We were made--by divine design--to possess these differences in nature, behavior, thinking, etcetera. The Family Proclamation clearly outlines the different roles that men and women are to fill in the home. If these are God's purposes for us, doesn't it make sense that He would design us to be particularly suited to and able to carry out those roles? I think so.
C.S. Lewis once said that "there are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them." I would submit that our understanding of gender differences is much the same. On the one hand, we have people who refuse to acknowledge them. They would have us believe that there are, in fact, no differences between men and women except for the ones that society forces on them. The other error, "equal and opposite" is that we put way too much stock into these differences--so that when someone comes along who doesn't conform to the typical behaviors, or interests, associated with their gender, we get scared, and we label them as "gay". I see this as probably the biggest contributing factor to young men identifying themselves as homosexual. When a boy has tendencies or interests that we recognize as more "feminine", such as a desire to nurture a baby doll, or an interest in art, we freak out, in essence, because we worry that this little boy will associate so much with the opposite gender that he becomes attracted to his own. Really though, it is our freaking out that causes him to wonder what's wrong with him, and his behavior. This is what makes him see himself as different, and so he just accepts that, because apparently, so have we. (See Daryl Bem, "The Exotic Becomes Erotic"). But if we were to take a step back, and look at these qualities, what would we see? What every woman wants in a husband!!--someone who is creative, kind, sensitive, with a great capacity to love and nurture those around him. Really, we should be encouraging these kinds of qualities and behaviors in our children.
The greatest thing I learned this week was how to deal with a situation like this! If I have a son who shows these interests, all I have to do is validate them in association with his gender! I know that Derek can help a lot with this--if we just show him that being nurturing as a FATHER is a good thing, he is much more likely to be ok with the fact that he's a little different from the other guys. Especially if that is reinforced with a close relationship to his father. I feel so liberated by what I learned this week, and I'm so grateful to feel a little more prepared to face the world!