Preparing For Marriage

(May 27-31)
This week's discussions were very interesting to me, mostly because I thought I wouldn't get much out of it--as I am already married (Win number one for Nikki, I don't have to go through the dating process again--HA!). But much to my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed all the information we covered in class. It was all stuff I had already agreed with and basically known, but I loved the way my beliefs were supported by our discussions about dating vs. hanging out--or even steady dating vs. courtship, and the way it's supposed to go.
By far my favorite thing that we discussed in class was Dr. Van Epp's Relationship Attachment Model, pictured below.

This model shows the perfect balance for a good relationship. Verbally explained, it basically says that you should never trust someone any more than you KNOW them. Brother Williams gave the example of trusting a stranger with your car keys--it'd just be stupid! Next, you should never rely on someone more than you know or trust them. And you should always commit less than you know, trust, and rely. Lastly--and very importantly--never, ever touch someone any more than you are committed to them, and on up the scale. This is the biggest problem I see in dating relationships these days. People want to touch without commitment, and how psychologically damaging and dangerous can that be? Very! And I see it all the time. Girls especially fall into this trap so easily, because we associate touch with love. We, especially as good LDS girls, think that if a guy is touching us, he must be committed to us. He must love us. Now, is this the wrong idea? No! In fact, Van Epp would say that it is exactly the RIGHT idea, but we are with the WRONG person--a jerk, as he would call them.
I don't mean to say that girls are always the victims in these situations, but I do think that it is easier for girls to get confused. This information provides us with some great opportunities, though. Knowing this scale, we can make sure our relationships follow the correct pattern--and sequence. This will give us much greater confidence and security in our dating/courtship, and prevent the likelihood of marrying a jerk ;)