Family Systems Theory at a Family Reunion

(May 6-10)

Unfortunately, Derek and I didn't have the privilege of attending class the week we talked about family systems because we were...

in Disneyland!!!
(the nice man who took our picture didn't know how to use a camera...that's his thumb)

We had the amazing opportunity to go to a family reunion with Derek's immediate family and spend a WEEK in California. We stayed in a beautiful vista:

We got to go to Disneyland, California Adventure, and SeaWorld!

And we even got to go to the beautiful San Diego temple!!

Ok, now that I'm done bragging, I thought I'd share what I learned from the material that week! Probably the most interesting thing to me was to observe a family's interactions. I had a huge advantage in this because I got to observe Derek's family together--something I've done many times in the last year and a half that I've known them, but this time with the eye of a social scientist. Some things I noticed (and again, not that these are new to me, but they just stood out) :

1.) The Allens love each other. They show that love so willingly and without shyness. Derek interacts with his sisters affectionately--playing with their hair, putting an arm around them. He's not the only one. This is how their family is. This is how their parents are, with just about everyone. Derek's mom has been hugging me since the day she met me--when I was a high school senior with no connection to their family yet.
2.) The Allens have fun together. So much fun. That's what this whole vacation was about. Derek's parents will provide for fun for their family to a huge extent--like taking us all to Disneyland. Playing as a family is a priority.
3.) Working as a family is a priority too. One of the basic interactions that goes on is this family is a very high level of cooperation and willingness to get things done. For example, on Sunday we had a big meal together--just the siblings and their kids, because Derek's parents were still home in Salt Lake. As soon as nearly everyone was done eating, we began to talk about what chores needed to be done. A list was made, numbered, and everyone drew a number to choose a chore--with absolutely no complaining! Granted, these are adults, but...I was particularly impressed at the eagerness of the men to do their chores. In my family, it usually ends up that the women do all the cleaning up. That's not to say that the men never help with anything--it's just that they don't do those jobs for the most part. I thought it was cool how everyone pitched in.
4.) I got to observe some more parent-child interactions. Not just with our parents, but with our siblings and their children. Though all of Derek's siblings were raised in the same way, they all raise their children slightly differently from one another--and differently from the way they were raised. When I say that I mean in matters of discipline and acceptable behavior, and not as far as gospel teachings. One of Derek's brothers, Daniel, is a big tease--pretty much ALWAYS kidding. He likes to play with his 2 and a half year old son Luke and react to him in the same way that Luke behaves. I think in this he's trying to make a point--for instance, once when Luke was yelling at his mom for attention, Dan yelled back very playfully. Luke responded, "That's too loud, Daddy! Gotta be quiet. Like this...", the whole time lowering his voice more and more. Dan's wife Nicole is very quiet and sweet, and whenever Luke would get too loud she would simply look him in the eye and say, "Luke, please don't talk like that. Let's be nice, ok?" I thought it was interesting that when Luke was behaving badly and his dad showed him what that was like, he responded as his mother would have.
5.) The most important thing about the Allen family is that they live for each other and the gospel. At the center of every one of their homes is Christ and his pure doctrine. They teach their children to love, to play, to work, to "behave", and most of all, to believe in Christ.
I'm so grateful for families. I could spend hours talking about both the family I grew up in and the family I have married into, but to keep it short, I'll just say I'm grateful. I have two remarkable families who love and support my husband and me, and who want only the best things for us. They are tremendous examples of what I want to be and the family I want to have. I'd certainly be nowhere without them both.